Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize