I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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