I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
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ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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