I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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