There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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