masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize