I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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