Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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