All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
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Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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