Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
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I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize