My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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