whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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