but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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