Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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