he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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