Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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