The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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