She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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