yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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