Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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