I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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