it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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