If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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