You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
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Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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