I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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