woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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