I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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