she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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