you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
pray to the hookup gods
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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