If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize