i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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