Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize