i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize