I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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