I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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