I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize