I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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