The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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