During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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