Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
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