good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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