If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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