We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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