she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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