fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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