Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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