I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you had me at cake vodka
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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