I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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