The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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