i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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