Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize